Biggest Loser

I have a new plan.

Chloe is due to leave at the beginning of August. I have 45 days leave (I carried 17 days over from last year) and the Great North Run is on 20th September. All being well, depending on the exact day Chloe leaves I'm hoping to take all my leave in one go taking me to just after the Great North Run and embark on a biggest loser style month and a half.

I intend to take it very seriously, I will be banning TV, limiting Internet time (just enough to check for messages and update my blog) and will be cutting myself off totally from the outside world. No trips anywhere, no nights out, no visiting people, nothing. Just diet and exercise just like in the biggest loser. Every detail will be planned, everything I eat and drink, all the exercise.

I plan to combine working out at the gym, running, walking, swimming and exercise classes.

Should be interesting to see the outcome but anyway, in the meantime I'm still training hard. I'm finding I'm liking the weights more and more, or rather I like the way it makes my muscles feel later. I like that slight ache and I like it when I can feel my muscles. I like the feeling of being stronger.

Diet sometimes goes well and sometimes it doesn't. Tonight I was very tempted to have macaroni with extra cheese (use up all that left from the dinner party) on a jacket potato. But I gave into my conscience and had chicken and vegetable stir fry and am glad I did.

going well

I'm not very good at keeping up with this am I?

Things are going well. The pulled calf muscle turned out to be nothing and didn't happen again.

Today I did something I've never done before - Boxing. When I saw the gloves matt had I thought 'oh no I can't do that' I really didn't want to and thought I would just feel silly and wouldn't be able to do it.

I really enjoyed it. It was fun and yes I can do it. Hard work, which is the whole point but enjoyable. You'd better not annoy me I know how to punch you now.

Spanner in the works.

Yes there is already a spanner in the works. That didn't take long did it.

I've pulled my calf muscle. All this training I've been doing and did I pull the muscle whilst running or at the gym? nooo of course not, I pulled it whilst walking down stairs at home. How the hell did I manage that?

To be honest looking at everything I've done the last few days it is probably too much too quick and I expect that is responsible. It wasn't that bad. In the past when it's happened it's woke me up in the middle of the night and I've been stuffing the duvey in my mouth to stifle the screams. This wasn't like that. I felt it go and it hurt but only mildly.

The problem isn't the seriousness of the injury it is the risk of it keep happening and getting worse. Although not for a long time I have had periods of my life when this has been a problem (particularly when I was pregnant). I asked a doctor why once it happens once it keeps happening. He said it is because the muscle tears and so is suseptical to tear further. Each time it happens you are back to square one until you manage to not do it long enough for it to heal. Circulation is also a factor which is why it tends to happen to me at night.

I text Matt for his advice as obviously I can't run as planned today. He said to go to the gym and just go on the bike but don't do too much. That is what I did and was quite suprised that the bike seemed to actually improve it. it had been getting stiffer all day but it seemed to relax with the bike and feels better than it did.

The real test will be tonight. Will I get through the night without waking up in agony?

I'm quite annoyed that it has got in the way of training.

357 days and counting

So I've been pretty rubbish. Although I did the great north run (with a chest infection) and I am very proud of that, I have gradually put weight back on. I got weighed on Wednesday and was 16 stone 10lb.

Over the past year people have kept telling me how hard it is to get a place in the London marathon so I didn't think I would be able to. I thought I wouldn't get a place and would end up not doing it, so I've not really taken it seriously.

Although not taking it seriously and putting weight on it I was still intending to do it so applied to the National Deaf childrens society at the first opportunity. I knew it would be a while before I heard, they would probably wait a while to give people a chance to apply and I expect the people who have already done the London Marathon would get priority so when I got an email from them on Wednesday I assumed it would be a standard 'we've got your application and will be getting back to you'

I was wrong... IT WAS ONLY TELLING ME I HAVE A PLACE IN THE 2010 LONDON MARATHON!!!! I spent several minutes pacing backwards and forwards across the living room swearing. It was only at this point I realised I hadn't been taking it seriously. All the thoughts going through my head was things like 'what the hell was I thinking? I can't run 26 miles' 'I'm an idiot, I've put 2 stone on' 'what the fuck am I going to do, I can't do it'

I don't think anyone who knows me will be suprised to hear there was a few tears. I didn't have long to dwell on it as I had an appointment with Matt at the gym. I had calmed down a bit by the time I got there but was still in quite a panick. It was quite good timing actually as talking to matt calmed me down and he made it seem not quite so impossible by being practical and mathodical (which is how I like things) and just setting out step by step what we need to do.

Anyway it is now deffinite. I am doing the London Marathon. I can't back out now. The countdown is on. There can be no more excuses and no more messing around. Since getting that email on Wednesday I had a session with Matt at the gym then parked 1km away from the school and part walked part jogged there and then back again with Chloe.

On Thursday I let Chloe ride her bike to school and I ran at the side of her (and helped push the bike up the hills) then part walked part ran (mainly walked) back again. 7 mile round trip up and down very big hills.

Friday I did nothing *shock* I was having a virgin vie party so I was too busy obsessivly cleaning.

Saturday I ran the 5km to the gym, did 20 minutes on the bike then walked the 5km back home.

Today I went out for a 5km run. I didn't actually manage to run all of it but there were some very steep hills. At two points I had to stop running and walk. It took me 48 minutes. Last year the race for life took me 35 minutes but it is a much easier route and I know I did it much faster than I had done training runs.

I'm tired but then I suppose I had better get used to that. I'm probably going to be tired for the next 357 days.

blogging again

Yes, I've finally managed to get back into my blogs.

I will post properly later and this time keep up with it.

eating too much

Well once again today is the day I'm allowed to eat whatever and however much I want for tea and supper. I am allowed this once every 2 weeks. I always look forward to it. I'm always thinking about what I'm going to eat next time.

Today is typical of every time. I decided I wanted pie and chips for tea. That might be suprising, pretty basic and unimaginative when I could eat anything but it is something that I used to eat regularly and aren't allowed anymore. It was nice.... but I'm sure a quater of the portion I had would have been just as nice. I ate loads. So much I was stuffed and uncomfortable and couldn't face the pudding.

I waited a little while but not too long then forced a huge portion of pudding down, why do I feel I have to because I'm allowed and I won't be able to tomorrow?I am now sat here feeling sick and not well and unable to move and thinking 'but what about the bacon and cream cheese bagels and thick toast with loads of butter I was going to have for supper?'I just can't eat the way I used to.

Maybe one day I will learn about moderation when I'm not being forced and it is my own choice?

anyway in other news I have been losing and putting weight on, always in large degrees. This week I have lost 6lb but not because of extremes. I have just stuck to the plan and I'm hoping that means I will continue to lose and not put it back on next week.

my knee has continued to be a nuisance. Matt says I need to go to the doctor but I now have a knee support that seems to do the job. Having said that, after yesterdays running on the treadmill it has been hurting all day today.

Maybe I will go to the doc but even if they do scan it and find what is wrong I can't see them being able to do anything about it. It's more likely I'll just get banned from doing things I want to do.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

knackered knee

Well tonight I have really fucked up.

I went to the gym but was really really stuggling. I was so tired and everything was so hard. The sweat was pouring off me at seemingly the slightest thing. After I gave up on the summit trainer after 10 minutes instead of 20 minutes I sent a text to Matt. I got a text back warning me about doing too much and as good as telling me to stop.

I argued back, I was determined not to give up and to work off the days calories. Yes I'm stubbon. No I don't like failing or giving up. I went on the treadmill and after a couple of minutes I started gettting twinges in my knee.

I thought, they are only slight twinges, I can deal with that. It'll be ok as I'm stopping after this anyway. Then I suddenly got a sharp pain in my knee and my knee gave way. I almost fell of the treadmill but I managed not to and hit the stop button.

It has been hurting ever since. I'm quite worried, it's not hurt like this before. Still I managed to work off over 600 cals

got an appointment with Matt in the morning I'll see what he says about it.