I don't believe this. I woke once in the night feeling queezy and struggled to get back to sleep then this morning I've woke with bad period pains again. I feel really really sick and back pains and stomach pains. Then I discover that just as I thought it was coming to an end it's really heavy again.

This is rediculous. I'm fucking sick of it. I'm sat here in bed now feeling really lousy when I've booked every bit of anual leave I have to concentrate on my training.

I'm sorry if anyone reading this is grossed out and thinking 'I didn't need to know' but if that's the case don't read it. I'm pretty open and frank about most things including this and to be honest don't see any reason not to be especially as it effects my training.

Day 14

8 mile walk this morning. Much better than last week I actually enjoyed it mainly because it wasn't raining and wasn't cold. I wore my fleece a couple of times for a very short time.

The only problem was my knee. My left knee is getting worse and worse and was really quite painful today. It was ok when on the flat or even up or downhill as long as it was smooth but going over stoney paths was really bad. It slowed me down a lot. I'm going to have to find that knee suport.

Even though It was better than last week I was knackered by the time I got home and legs and feet hurt a lot. I decided to try and have a nap though I've kept saying I can't do that as I can't sleep during the day.

I laid there thinking 'this is silly I'm never going to be able to sleep' Then woke up 3/4 hour later.

Went swimming this evening. I swam 32 lengths and almost all without stopping. I stopped at length 26 because my neck was hurting. After that I kept trying to swim with my face in the water for a couple of strokes at a time but I'm no good at that.

I was at length 20 before I realised I hadn't stopped so was pleased with that. No matter what the scales say tomorrow I'm definitely getting stronger.

Weigh in tomorrow. I'm worried I won't have lost anything. I should have done. my diet has been spot on and I've worked hard every day (except rest day) but it's week 2 and I lost 11 lb last week and I don't lose weight easily. What my body does doesn't always make sense.

Well I'll find out in the morning I supose.

My Boobs have shrunk! My bra's don't fit! That is not the part of my body I wanted to shrink!

Stop laughing!

Day 13

Another RPM class this morning and I managed better today.

I turned up at the gym at 7.30am to make sure I reserved a bike by the door and found the gym was shut. It doesn't open until 8 haha how keen am I?

I got the bike closest to the door that wasn't the one with the rubber bit missing and no one sat in front of me - Bonus! Everyone else is way better than me but I managed.

I felt ok (emotionally) until talk started of - is anyone leaving - when we were part way through and I couldn't help wondering if they were laughing at me. Then I did want to leave, but I didn't, I stayed and finished it.

It seems a bit strange that all I have to do today is the RPM class and a gym circuit. I might have gone out and ran even though Matt said not to but I have period pains again so I'll do as I'm told.

I don't feel ill like yesterday but have pains in my back. I'm getting really fed up of this. It's rediculous. I long for the days when it would start, be about 4 or 5 days and then stop and I could forget about it for a month. I can't believe I used to complain. I really should go back to the doctor though to be honest I'm scared it'll end in either hysterectomy or being told it's the menopaus and that's the end of the last gimmer of hope of having a baby.

day whatever it is

The rest of the day went better. By mid afternoon I was feeling fine so went to the gym and tried to make up for what I'd not done that morning and then this evening I went out for a lampost run as planned. Quite enjoyed it, the sun was shining but with my fleece on it wasn't too hot or too cold.

So back on track hopefully. RPM class in the morning.

Fostering

Social services have seriously pissed me off today. The whole point of taking all my anual leave was to eliminate the stress of dealing with them. Today a social worker phoned me up and readily admitted she knew I was on anual leave and had no good excuse for phoning me anyway. She basically just decided to ignore that I'm on leave because it suited her.

Because she hadn't contacted me about a child before I went on leave as she should have done.

I am so fuming I keep thinking of phoning back and telling them I quit. But I know that financially I can't do that.

My reason for fostering is still the children but my reason for not quitting is purely the money.

Wondering

I'm starting to question some things and wondering if it is time for a change.

I think I need to have a think about what is actually helpful.