I'm really struggling with the urge to comfort eat today. sometimes things happen that brings the way things are home. As long as I'm posting on facebook about baking cakes for my friends then everyone is my best friend. I post that I've just fallen down the stairs and am in pain and it's ignored.
People know my situation, they know I'm single and live alone, I don't have any family who give a shit about me other than what I can do for them, I have no friends nearby and yet I post that with no indication to how seriously I've been injured and no one cares. Quick I'd better bake some more cakes so people notice me.
That, and the fact I'm in pain, is currently making me want to comfort eat and I really really want to eat.
Monday 31 August 2009
Sunday 30 August 2009
akward situation
Now if I'd been as good today as I was yesterday I could have avoided John possibly thinking I'm stalking him.
Yesterday when I needed a couple of things I decided to be good, rather than drive to the supermarket I walked to the shop, just under 2 mile in total there and back (up hill all the way back).
Today I discovered there was no bread just as I was about to make poached egg on toast for lunch to I popped down to the shop in the car. As I walked to the car I saw John was already in his car. He pulled out and drove down the road, I pulled out and drove down the road after him.
With each turn I was thinking things like 'he's going the same way, I wonder if he's going to the shop too, yep I'm still following him it's looking pretty certain' He pulled up outside the shop and went in. I pulled up next to his car (it was the only space left) and went in too. I should have walked.
I wonder if he's scared hahaha.
Yesterday when I needed a couple of things I decided to be good, rather than drive to the supermarket I walked to the shop, just under 2 mile in total there and back (up hill all the way back).
Today I discovered there was no bread just as I was about to make poached egg on toast for lunch to I popped down to the shop in the car. As I walked to the car I saw John was already in his car. He pulled out and drove down the road, I pulled out and drove down the road after him.
With each turn I was thinking things like 'he's going the same way, I wonder if he's going to the shop too, yep I'm still following him it's looking pretty certain' He pulled up outside the shop and went in. I pulled up next to his car (it was the only space left) and went in too. I should have walked.
I wonder if he's scared hahaha.
Todays craving
Todays craving is bacon butties, also toast with butter.
I have period pains again today. Yes it is still ongoing, perhaps it really is time to go back to the doc.
I have period pains again today. Yes it is still ongoing, perhaps it really is time to go back to the doc.
Saturday 29 August 2009
food
I'm really really craving bad food today. I have stuck to the diet and will continue to but for some reason today I just really want a chocolate bar or a piece of that chocolate cake that's in the kitchen that everyone keeps telling me is really nice or fish and chips, oh yes I would love some fish and chips or jacket potato with butter and a mountain of full fat cheese. pepperoni pizza, crisp sandwiches, cheesecake, cheese and crackers.
My mouth is watering.
I wonder if any of this was activated by the subliminal message of the number plate on the car opposite me in the car park as I sat at a weight machine at the window in the gym.
No word of a lie it was EAT(then some numbers)
My mouth is watering.
I wonder if any of this was activated by the subliminal message of the number plate on the car opposite me in the car park as I sat at a weight machine at the window in the gym.
No word of a lie it was EAT(then some numbers)
oops
I would like to start by pointing out that I did not have a tantrum and rip the paper towel holder from the wall and throw it across the Spinning studio at Matt because RPM was too hard - honest.
What actually happened was at the end of the class when we were off the bikes doing the stretches. I started to lose my balance so put my hand out to put it on the wall but actually hit the paper towel holder, which turned out wasn't fastened down. I knocked it flying across the room bouncing between the bikes and you wouldn't believe the racket it made. Each time it hit the floor was like a thunder clap.
I think fate was just trying to prove I was wrong the other week when I said I couldn't have had more attention drawn to me. Now this time I really couldn't have drawn more attention to myself if I'd done cartwheels across the room. Of course by this point everyone in the room was looking at me, Matt was making jibes about me wrecking the gym and people were laughing, but you know what, so was I.
Ok I was mildly embarrassed but I could see the funny side. Like Matt said, I try to hide at the back of the room then do that. I laughed, picked it up and put it back and carried on.
I didn't run away and cry and that must mean that I'm feeling more comfortable in there and have stopped being scared of those people, even mental shouting girl.
All these RPM classes are taking there toll though, My bum hurts and I have a bruise on the inside of my left thigh. It's better now I'm on a bike that doesn't have the rubber bit missing but it still digs in. I don't know why it digs more into my left thigh than my right. I have tried sitting more to that side but can't stay like that, I'm not in the center when I do. Is my left leg fatter than my right? It's rather strange.
The thought occured to me during todays class that perhaps if I put a support bandage on my thigh it will both protect it a bit and maybe squeeze it in enough for it not to digg in. Worth a try.
Now I just need to put a cushion on the seat.
What actually happened was at the end of the class when we were off the bikes doing the stretches. I started to lose my balance so put my hand out to put it on the wall but actually hit the paper towel holder, which turned out wasn't fastened down. I knocked it flying across the room bouncing between the bikes and you wouldn't believe the racket it made. Each time it hit the floor was like a thunder clap.
I think fate was just trying to prove I was wrong the other week when I said I couldn't have had more attention drawn to me. Now this time I really couldn't have drawn more attention to myself if I'd done cartwheels across the room. Of course by this point everyone in the room was looking at me, Matt was making jibes about me wrecking the gym and people were laughing, but you know what, so was I.
Ok I was mildly embarrassed but I could see the funny side. Like Matt said, I try to hide at the back of the room then do that. I laughed, picked it up and put it back and carried on.
I didn't run away and cry and that must mean that I'm feeling more comfortable in there and have stopped being scared of those people, even mental shouting girl.
All these RPM classes are taking there toll though, My bum hurts and I have a bruise on the inside of my left thigh. It's better now I'm on a bike that doesn't have the rubber bit missing but it still digs in. I don't know why it digs more into my left thigh than my right. I have tried sitting more to that side but can't stay like that, I'm not in the center when I do. Is my left leg fatter than my right? It's rather strange.
The thought occured to me during todays class that perhaps if I put a support bandage on my thigh it will both protect it a bit and maybe squeeze it in enough for it not to digg in. Worth a try.
Now I just need to put a cushion on the seat.
Friday 28 August 2009
Thursday 27 August 2009
Day 18
Day started with a RPM class. Really hard work, burned 650 cal. Then this afternoon I did a cardio and weights sesssion worked hard and again burned over 600 cal. I was supposed to go running this evening but as I can't I did a second RPM class
Yes that's right, 2 RPM classes in one day. I forgot to start my watch at the beginning and I didn't burn as much as I was so exhausted I just couldn't do as much as in the first class but it was over 500 cal.
I'm a bit tired now.
Diet has been good.
Yes that's right, 2 RPM classes in one day. I forgot to start my watch at the beginning and I didn't burn as much as I was so exhausted I just couldn't do as much as in the first class but it was over 500 cal.
I'm a bit tired now.
Diet has been good.
Wednesday 26 August 2009
To run or not to run that is the question.
I'm having a problem with my knee, well both knees actually but the left is much much worse than the right.
until very recently it was just the odd twinge every now and then but it has suddenly got really bad quickly. Just a couple of days ago I was saying it was ok if I was on even ground but that has gone out of the window. It is now really painful even walking at the moment even just moving around the house. I have tried to run twice today and even with the knee support on I couldn't it hurt too much and I had to walk.
Now I'm thinking it has got worse because I've pushed myself to carry on despite it hurting when I know full well what it needs to get better is for me to stop. Why have I done that? Because it is the great north run in 4 weeks.
The thing is, now I really think about this, I'm not doing the gnr for charity this year and actually the only reason I'm doing it is I want to beat last years time. I have 3 year membership so there is nothing to stop me doing that next year.
The thing I really need to focus on right now is the London Marathon and the best thing for that is to allow my knee to get better, lose weight so I don't keep buggering them up so hopefully I'm in good condition to train for the marathon.
As for this biggest loser 6 weeks, if you take gnr out of the equasion it is simply about losing weight, which was the aim originally and it was just coincidence it ended with the great north run. You don't have to run to lose weight. There are pleanty of low impact alternatives which will allow my knee to get better as I lose weight.
So it is looking at the moment like it would be best to pull out of the great north run. And this isn't me throwing a strop and saying I can't do it etc, it's just looking at it all rationally it seems the most sensible thing to do.
until very recently it was just the odd twinge every now and then but it has suddenly got really bad quickly. Just a couple of days ago I was saying it was ok if I was on even ground but that has gone out of the window. It is now really painful even walking at the moment even just moving around the house. I have tried to run twice today and even with the knee support on I couldn't it hurt too much and I had to walk.
Now I'm thinking it has got worse because I've pushed myself to carry on despite it hurting when I know full well what it needs to get better is for me to stop. Why have I done that? Because it is the great north run in 4 weeks.
The thing is, now I really think about this, I'm not doing the gnr for charity this year and actually the only reason I'm doing it is I want to beat last years time. I have 3 year membership so there is nothing to stop me doing that next year.
The thing I really need to focus on right now is the London Marathon and the best thing for that is to allow my knee to get better, lose weight so I don't keep buggering them up so hopefully I'm in good condition to train for the marathon.
As for this biggest loser 6 weeks, if you take gnr out of the equasion it is simply about losing weight, which was the aim originally and it was just coincidence it ended with the great north run. You don't have to run to lose weight. There are pleanty of low impact alternatives which will allow my knee to get better as I lose weight.
So it is looking at the moment like it would be best to pull out of the great north run. And this isn't me throwing a strop and saying I can't do it etc, it's just looking at it all rationally it seems the most sensible thing to do.
Day 17
Things are back to normal today. I've worked damn hard and stuck to my diet. Had baked salmon again tonight. yum yum! Never thought I would say that about fish.
Started the day with early session at the gym. 10 min sumit trainer, 10 minutes bike, 10 minutes cross trainer, another 10 minutes sumit trainer, another 10 minutes bike then I had to leave to take my dad to the doctor.
Then 2 mile run before lunch, then 5 mile run after lunch and ab work in the evening.
There is a problem though. My knee is now really really painful and stopping me from running. Even with the knee support on. I have tried twice today to run and both times I've had to give up and walk because of the pain and even that hurt.
It has now got so bad that it is hurting all the time and even just around the house.
Started the day with early session at the gym. 10 min sumit trainer, 10 minutes bike, 10 minutes cross trainer, another 10 minutes sumit trainer, another 10 minutes bike then I had to leave to take my dad to the doctor.
Then 2 mile run before lunch, then 5 mile run after lunch and ab work in the evening.
There is a problem though. My knee is now really really painful and stopping me from running. Even with the knee support on. I have tried twice today to run and both times I've had to give up and walk because of the pain and even that hurt.
It has now got so bad that it is hurting all the time and even just around the house.
Day 16
Rest day. I did no exercise but I did try to get back to my diet and regretted the things I ate the day before. Having said that I still didn't get back to it properly, I made some bad choices, yes I mixed the tuna with loads of mayo and put butter on the potato.
At no point through this did I have a full on binge though. I ate some bad things and made some bad choices but I didn't stuff myself. Still shouldn't have done it.
As I had planned before my weigh in I spent part of my rest day backing a cheesecake and a chocolate chip fudge cake for 2 reasons. 1 - I like baking. 2- I wanted to prove to myself that baking doesn't have to mean breaking my diet, I can do it without eating any myself and I did. Not one morsel of either has passed my lips.
They have passed a lot of other peoples lips though haha.
At no point through this did I have a full on binge though. I ate some bad things and made some bad choices but I didn't stuff myself. Still shouldn't have done it.
As I had planned before my weigh in I spent part of my rest day backing a cheesecake and a chocolate chip fudge cake for 2 reasons. 1 - I like baking. 2- I wanted to prove to myself that baking doesn't have to mean breaking my diet, I can do it without eating any myself and I did. Not one morsel of either has passed my lips.
They have passed a lot of other peoples lips though haha.
Day 15
You may or may not have gathered I wasn't very happy about the 2lb. Absolutely utterly devistated is more like it.
My diet had been perfect all week. In fact I don't even have the calories it says on my diet as I have re done every recipe to reduce the calories and reduced the portion sizes plus I often don't get round to eating everything it says. I doubt it ever gets much over 1000 cals and is probably often under.
And I had worked damn hard every single day except my rest day. I was utterly exhausted and every bit of my body hurt. At one point Stephen said to me 'are you going to make that noise every time you stand up for these 6 weeks?' and I said 'I expect so'
so after all that to get on the scales and find I've only lost 2lb was awful. You would expect to lose that and more just going on a diet. I've taken all my anual leave for this, that isn't sustainable or long term and I'm not managing anything more than I would expect without that.
I was very upset. Yes I spent most of the day crying about it. I figured what was the point? If that is what it takes for me to lose 2lb what am I supposed to do, never work and spend every minute of my life doing nothing but fighting against being obese?
I thought damned if I do, damned if I don't and ate quite a few things I shouldn't have done. Though I did still do the exercise on my plan.
My diet had been perfect all week. In fact I don't even have the calories it says on my diet as I have re done every recipe to reduce the calories and reduced the portion sizes plus I often don't get round to eating everything it says. I doubt it ever gets much over 1000 cals and is probably often under.
And I had worked damn hard every single day except my rest day. I was utterly exhausted and every bit of my body hurt. At one point Stephen said to me 'are you going to make that noise every time you stand up for these 6 weeks?' and I said 'I expect so'
so after all that to get on the scales and find I've only lost 2lb was awful. You would expect to lose that and more just going on a diet. I've taken all my anual leave for this, that isn't sustainable or long term and I'm not managing anything more than I would expect without that.
I was very upset. Yes I spent most of the day crying about it. I figured what was the point? If that is what it takes for me to lose 2lb what am I supposed to do, never work and spend every minute of my life doing nothing but fighting against being obese?
I thought damned if I do, damned if I don't and ate quite a few things I shouldn't have done. Though I did still do the exercise on my plan.
Monday 24 August 2009
I don't believe this. I woke once in the night feeling queezy and struggled to get back to sleep then this morning I've woke with bad period pains again. I feel really really sick and back pains and stomach pains. Then I discover that just as I thought it was coming to an end it's really heavy again.
This is rediculous. I'm fucking sick of it. I'm sat here in bed now feeling really lousy when I've booked every bit of anual leave I have to concentrate on my training.
I'm sorry if anyone reading this is grossed out and thinking 'I didn't need to know' but if that's the case don't read it. I'm pretty open and frank about most things including this and to be honest don't see any reason not to be especially as it effects my training.
This is rediculous. I'm fucking sick of it. I'm sat here in bed now feeling really lousy when I've booked every bit of anual leave I have to concentrate on my training.
I'm sorry if anyone reading this is grossed out and thinking 'I didn't need to know' but if that's the case don't read it. I'm pretty open and frank about most things including this and to be honest don't see any reason not to be especially as it effects my training.
Sunday 23 August 2009
Day 14
8 mile walk this morning. Much better than last week I actually enjoyed it mainly because it wasn't raining and wasn't cold. I wore my fleece a couple of times for a very short time.
The only problem was my knee. My left knee is getting worse and worse and was really quite painful today. It was ok when on the flat or even up or downhill as long as it was smooth but going over stoney paths was really bad. It slowed me down a lot. I'm going to have to find that knee suport.
Even though It was better than last week I was knackered by the time I got home and legs and feet hurt a lot. I decided to try and have a nap though I've kept saying I can't do that as I can't sleep during the day.
I laid there thinking 'this is silly I'm never going to be able to sleep' Then woke up 3/4 hour later.
Went swimming this evening. I swam 32 lengths and almost all without stopping. I stopped at length 26 because my neck was hurting. After that I kept trying to swim with my face in the water for a couple of strokes at a time but I'm no good at that.
I was at length 20 before I realised I hadn't stopped so was pleased with that. No matter what the scales say tomorrow I'm definitely getting stronger.
Weigh in tomorrow. I'm worried I won't have lost anything. I should have done. my diet has been spot on and I've worked hard every day (except rest day) but it's week 2 and I lost 11 lb last week and I don't lose weight easily. What my body does doesn't always make sense.
Well I'll find out in the morning I supose.
The only problem was my knee. My left knee is getting worse and worse and was really quite painful today. It was ok when on the flat or even up or downhill as long as it was smooth but going over stoney paths was really bad. It slowed me down a lot. I'm going to have to find that knee suport.
Even though It was better than last week I was knackered by the time I got home and legs and feet hurt a lot. I decided to try and have a nap though I've kept saying I can't do that as I can't sleep during the day.
I laid there thinking 'this is silly I'm never going to be able to sleep' Then woke up 3/4 hour later.
Went swimming this evening. I swam 32 lengths and almost all without stopping. I stopped at length 26 because my neck was hurting. After that I kept trying to swim with my face in the water for a couple of strokes at a time but I'm no good at that.
I was at length 20 before I realised I hadn't stopped so was pleased with that. No matter what the scales say tomorrow I'm definitely getting stronger.
Weigh in tomorrow. I'm worried I won't have lost anything. I should have done. my diet has been spot on and I've worked hard every day (except rest day) but it's week 2 and I lost 11 lb last week and I don't lose weight easily. What my body does doesn't always make sense.
Well I'll find out in the morning I supose.
Saturday 22 August 2009
Day 13
Another RPM class this morning and I managed better today.
I turned up at the gym at 7.30am to make sure I reserved a bike by the door and found the gym was shut. It doesn't open until 8 haha how keen am I?
I got the bike closest to the door that wasn't the one with the rubber bit missing and no one sat in front of me - Bonus! Everyone else is way better than me but I managed.
I felt ok (emotionally) until talk started of - is anyone leaving - when we were part way through and I couldn't help wondering if they were laughing at me. Then I did want to leave, but I didn't, I stayed and finished it.
It seems a bit strange that all I have to do today is the RPM class and a gym circuit. I might have gone out and ran even though Matt said not to but I have period pains again so I'll do as I'm told.
I don't feel ill like yesterday but have pains in my back. I'm getting really fed up of this. It's rediculous. I long for the days when it would start, be about 4 or 5 days and then stop and I could forget about it for a month. I can't believe I used to complain. I really should go back to the doctor though to be honest I'm scared it'll end in either hysterectomy or being told it's the menopaus and that's the end of the last gimmer of hope of having a baby.
I turned up at the gym at 7.30am to make sure I reserved a bike by the door and found the gym was shut. It doesn't open until 8 haha how keen am I?
I got the bike closest to the door that wasn't the one with the rubber bit missing and no one sat in front of me - Bonus! Everyone else is way better than me but I managed.
I felt ok (emotionally) until talk started of - is anyone leaving - when we were part way through and I couldn't help wondering if they were laughing at me. Then I did want to leave, but I didn't, I stayed and finished it.
It seems a bit strange that all I have to do today is the RPM class and a gym circuit. I might have gone out and ran even though Matt said not to but I have period pains again so I'll do as I'm told.
I don't feel ill like yesterday but have pains in my back. I'm getting really fed up of this. It's rediculous. I long for the days when it would start, be about 4 or 5 days and then stop and I could forget about it for a month. I can't believe I used to complain. I really should go back to the doctor though to be honest I'm scared it'll end in either hysterectomy or being told it's the menopaus and that's the end of the last gimmer of hope of having a baby.
Friday 21 August 2009
day whatever it is
The rest of the day went better. By mid afternoon I was feeling fine so went to the gym and tried to make up for what I'd not done that morning and then this evening I went out for a lampost run as planned. Quite enjoyed it, the sun was shining but with my fleece on it wasn't too hot or too cold.
So back on track hopefully. RPM class in the morning.
So back on track hopefully. RPM class in the morning.
Fostering
Social services have seriously pissed me off today. The whole point of taking all my anual leave was to eliminate the stress of dealing with them. Today a social worker phoned me up and readily admitted she knew I was on anual leave and had no good excuse for phoning me anyway. She basically just decided to ignore that I'm on leave because it suited her.
Because she hadn't contacted me about a child before I went on leave as she should have done.
I am so fuming I keep thinking of phoning back and telling them I quit. But I know that financially I can't do that.
My reason for fostering is still the children but my reason for not quitting is purely the money.
Because she hadn't contacted me about a child before I went on leave as she should have done.
I am so fuming I keep thinking of phoning back and telling them I quit. But I know that financially I can't do that.
My reason for fostering is still the children but my reason for not quitting is purely the money.
Wondering
I'm starting to question some things and wondering if it is time for a change.
I think I need to have a think about what is actually helpful.
I think I need to have a think about what is actually helpful.
Bad Morning.
Today has really not gone well so far. I was supposed to be doing a 6mile run this morning but that has turned into a 4 mile walk.
I have tried not to let the time of the month effect things and I have certainly managed that with the food and mostly with the exercise. Up until today if it has effected the exercise it has been hardly at all.
But last night it started again and I felt sick. I don't sleep well when Stephen is out anyway as he was last night (and these days he doesn't get in until after 5am) but added to that I just felt queezy all night and couldn't sleep and the few times I did manage to fall asleep I was having strange dreams and waking up feeling bad and also in a panick wondering if Stephen was home yet.
This morning I still felt sick and also felt light headed and woozy. I set off running and made it to the end of the road. I walked up the hill and then tried running again. For about 2 mile I kept part walking part running though I think there was more walking than running and then after that I walked another 2 miles and just gave up.
I still feel ill. My head is woozy, i don't feel right and I still feel queezy and pains in my back.
If I really was on the biggest loser I would be getting chucked out this week.
I have tried not to let the time of the month effect things and I have certainly managed that with the food and mostly with the exercise. Up until today if it has effected the exercise it has been hardly at all.
But last night it started again and I felt sick. I don't sleep well when Stephen is out anyway as he was last night (and these days he doesn't get in until after 5am) but added to that I just felt queezy all night and couldn't sleep and the few times I did manage to fall asleep I was having strange dreams and waking up feeling bad and also in a panick wondering if Stephen was home yet.
This morning I still felt sick and also felt light headed and woozy. I set off running and made it to the end of the road. I walked up the hill and then tried running again. For about 2 mile I kept part walking part running though I think there was more walking than running and then after that I walked another 2 miles and just gave up.
I still feel ill. My head is woozy, i don't feel right and I still feel queezy and pains in my back.
If I really was on the biggest loser I would be getting chucked out this week.
Thursday 20 August 2009
Day 11
Despite feeling crap I did what I was supposed to this morning, well sort of. I went for my 2 mile run but just couldn't manage it. I ran most of it, I'd say over 3/4 but I walked up the big hill and my finishing time was 34 minutes. 4 minutes longer than last time.
Then I went to the RPM class. I really wasn't looking forward to that after last time. I got there early enough to reserve a bike next to the door and it turned out to be a very small class, only 6 people, I think.
It was deffinitely better without pmt and knowing I could escape if I needed to. I was also more prepared for not being able to hear and paid more attention to what Matt was doing than what he was saying and copied him. I did seem to be able to hear more too though but I think a big part of that was lip reading.
I don't think I'll ever like RPM, in fact I hate it, but it didn't make me want to cry today.
Then I suddenly got a pain in the inside of my thigh, and again with each turn. I looked down and realised the rubber bit was missing off the end of the metal bit the seat is attached to and it was jabbing into both my thighs with each turn. I couldn't carry on like that so I stopped and moved to the next bike.
The fact that that was happening because my thighs are fat didn't escape me.
I had just got the new bike set up and got on and I looked up and realised I'd put myself directly behind someone and could no longer see Matt. That made following what I was supposed to be doing for the rest of the class much more difficult.
I just can't win with those RPM classes can I.
Anyway I deffinitely didn't do as well as anyone else there but I didn't run away I completed the whole class and this time I flipping did work hard.
I was absolutely knackered but by the time I went back for my cardio and weights session I was feeling much better. I did work hard again and again I was absolutely knackered but by the time I went for my walk later I was feeling much better again.
I'm now wondering if this treand today of speedy recovery is a result of getting fitter and going to continue or if it is just because it is the first day after a rest day.
I really enjoyed the walk. I went a way I've not been before but have often wondered where it goes. It was really nice, there are some beautiful areas around here but why why why do the most beautiful walks end up at some point with me on a slippery slanty path next to a huge drop? It scares the life out of me. I don't like it.
The biggest suprise today is that for tea I made oven baked salmon and steamed broccoli and I didn't hate it! In fact... if I'm totally honest I thought it was quite nice.
I'm so looking forward to Matt saying I told you so.
Then I went to the RPM class. I really wasn't looking forward to that after last time. I got there early enough to reserve a bike next to the door and it turned out to be a very small class, only 6 people, I think.
It was deffinitely better without pmt and knowing I could escape if I needed to. I was also more prepared for not being able to hear and paid more attention to what Matt was doing than what he was saying and copied him. I did seem to be able to hear more too though but I think a big part of that was lip reading.
I don't think I'll ever like RPM, in fact I hate it, but it didn't make me want to cry today.
Then I suddenly got a pain in the inside of my thigh, and again with each turn. I looked down and realised the rubber bit was missing off the end of the metal bit the seat is attached to and it was jabbing into both my thighs with each turn. I couldn't carry on like that so I stopped and moved to the next bike.
The fact that that was happening because my thighs are fat didn't escape me.
I had just got the new bike set up and got on and I looked up and realised I'd put myself directly behind someone and could no longer see Matt. That made following what I was supposed to be doing for the rest of the class much more difficult.
I just can't win with those RPM classes can I.
Anyway I deffinitely didn't do as well as anyone else there but I didn't run away I completed the whole class and this time I flipping did work hard.
I was absolutely knackered but by the time I went back for my cardio and weights session I was feeling much better. I did work hard again and again I was absolutely knackered but by the time I went for my walk later I was feeling much better again.
I'm now wondering if this treand today of speedy recovery is a result of getting fitter and going to continue or if it is just because it is the first day after a rest day.
I really enjoyed the walk. I went a way I've not been before but have often wondered where it goes. It was really nice, there are some beautiful areas around here but why why why do the most beautiful walks end up at some point with me on a slippery slanty path next to a huge drop? It scares the life out of me. I don't like it.
The biggest suprise today is that for tea I made oven baked salmon and steamed broccoli and I didn't hate it! In fact... if I'm totally honest I thought it was quite nice.
I'm so looking forward to Matt saying I told you so.
Not looking forward to today
My body has finally decided to get on with it and start properly and I have realised that the period pains I had before were just mild tremors before the main event.
Hell I feel awful and I've now got to go do a 2 mile run and then an RPM class. Still looking on the brightside hopefully this means all the bloating will definitely be gone before Mondays weigh in.
I plan on getting to the gym an hour before the class to make sure I reserve a bike by the door so I can run away when I want.
Hell I feel awful and I've now got to go do a 2 mile run and then an RPM class. Still looking on the brightside hopefully this means all the bloating will definitely be gone before Mondays weigh in.
I plan on getting to the gym an hour before the class to make sure I reserve a bike by the door so I can run away when I want.
Wednesday 19 August 2009
cooking day
All the cooking done. Bland and tasteless with everything unhealthy taken out. I don't care what they say quorn is NOT the same and I don't believe reduced fat cheese is actually cheese.
So tomorrow I have a 2 mile run before breakfast, a RPM class, a weights and cardio session and an hour walk. I'm so looking forward to it.
I wish today was longer.
Best bit of today was watching the weigh in on the biggest loser thinking 'I beat him... I beat her...' I beat everyone except one man who equled me at 11lb lost.
oh ok, so it's my first week. I don't care It still felt good.
So tomorrow I have a 2 mile run before breakfast, a RPM class, a weights and cardio session and an hour walk. I'm so looking forward to it.
I wish today was longer.
Best bit of today was watching the weigh in on the biggest loser thinking 'I beat him... I beat her...' I beat everyone except one man who equled me at 11lb lost.
oh ok, so it's my first week. I don't care It still felt good.
Biggest Loser
I'm currently watching the biggest loser and am thinking 'I'm so glad Matt doesn't watch this' I'm not going to say why in case he reads this and it gives him ideas. No one in the RPM class would ever forgive me.
Then the trainer is screaming at them 'STOP CRYING AND GO' Maybe matt isn't so bad hahaha.
Today is a rest day and I'm so relieved. I don't think I could have done another day. I still ache but I'm using today to cook, so that everything is ready the rest of the week in the freezer when I need it. I'm making shepherds pie, chilli con carne, bolognese (I'll cook the spaghetti to go with it when I need it) and lasagne.
Healthy versions of the recipe's I have, leaving out as much fat as possible, using quorn mince and things like that.
I parked in the furthest away spot when I went to the supermarket but that is as much exercise as I've done today.
I didn't get out of bed until 9am. I don't think I've stayed in bed that late in my entire adult life.
Then the trainer is screaming at them 'STOP CRYING AND GO' Maybe matt isn't so bad hahaha.
Today is a rest day and I'm so relieved. I don't think I could have done another day. I still ache but I'm using today to cook, so that everything is ready the rest of the week in the freezer when I need it. I'm making shepherds pie, chilli con carne, bolognese (I'll cook the spaghetti to go with it when I need it) and lasagne.
Healthy versions of the recipe's I have, leaving out as much fat as possible, using quorn mince and things like that.
I parked in the furthest away spot when I went to the supermarket but that is as much exercise as I've done today.
I didn't get out of bed until 9am. I don't think I've stayed in bed that late in my entire adult life.
Tuesday 18 August 2009
Day 9 in the Halifax biggest loser house.
I've just finnished the last thing I have to do today and that is it, no more until Thursday. Thank God! I didn't know it was possible to be this exhausted.
I started this morning with my 2 mile run. At one point I looked at my watch and it said 24 minutes and I didn't think I was that far from home. It seemed certain I would beat my previous time and that spurred me on. When I rounded the corner onto my road I decided to run the final bit as fast as I could and I did. As I reached my house I looked at my watch - 30 minutes, exactly the same as last time.
Then at lunch time I went swimming again. This time I really enjoyed it. For some reason it seemed easier this time and I went faster. I even had to move into the medium lane at one point. I didn't count my lengths yesterday but I did today and I did 30 so I'll see how that compares to next time.
This afternoon I went to the gym but by then I was absolutely shattered and just wanted to sleep. I tried but didn't really do that much. I did 10 minutes on the subit trainer. then some weights then 10 minutes on the bike and then some more weights but not much and then I gave up.
This evening I was supposed to do a 3 mile run. I didn't know how I was even going to attempt it the way I was feeling but I didn't do bad. I didn't run it all but I ran quite a bit probably a little bit less than half which was more than I thought I was going to be able to do.
I'm soooo tired. I haven't even got the energy to go finish cleaning the bathroom. Still I have all day tomorrow. Or then again I might just sleep.
I started this morning with my 2 mile run. At one point I looked at my watch and it said 24 minutes and I didn't think I was that far from home. It seemed certain I would beat my previous time and that spurred me on. When I rounded the corner onto my road I decided to run the final bit as fast as I could and I did. As I reached my house I looked at my watch - 30 minutes, exactly the same as last time.
Then at lunch time I went swimming again. This time I really enjoyed it. For some reason it seemed easier this time and I went faster. I even had to move into the medium lane at one point. I didn't count my lengths yesterday but I did today and I did 30 so I'll see how that compares to next time.
This afternoon I went to the gym but by then I was absolutely shattered and just wanted to sleep. I tried but didn't really do that much. I did 10 minutes on the subit trainer. then some weights then 10 minutes on the bike and then some more weights but not much and then I gave up.
This evening I was supposed to do a 3 mile run. I didn't know how I was even going to attempt it the way I was feeling but I didn't do bad. I didn't run it all but I ran quite a bit probably a little bit less than half which was more than I thought I was going to be able to do.
I'm soooo tired. I haven't even got the energy to go finish cleaning the bathroom. Still I have all day tomorrow. Or then again I might just sleep.
Don't want to!
Do you think if I cry and stamp my feet and say 'I DON'T WANT TO!' it'll get me out of doing the 3 mile run I still have to do today?
I'm so very very tired.
I'm so very very tired.
Monday 17 August 2009
Day 8 not 7
I miscounted somewhere didn't I. I had 2 day 6's. I'm so exhausted I can't count.
I've already posted about this morning but one thing I didn't talk about was something that really pissed me off at the gym. I sat down and had a coffee before setting off on the walk home and as I did I had a quick look through the Daily Mail as they always have a stack of them at the gym.
There was a story about a woman who was actually a shot putter but had been given the chance to run in that big Athletic thing that's happening at the moment. Being a shot putter she is quite a hefty lady and obviously came last.
Was the story congratulating her on going for it rather than turn it down and doing her best, going out there in front of everyone and going for it? No of course not, They printed pictures of her running and called her thunder thighs!
Is it any wonder that obese people daren't exercise or get help because they are scared of people laughing at them? It made me really angry.
I have discovered something this evening. I'm not as good at swimming as I thought. I think I've been comparing myself to children too long. Although I am always taking children swimming and have taught many children to swim it is a very very long time since I went swimming myself. I actually don't remember the last time.
I know I was quite good at school. There were others much better than me but many more worse, I was certainly towards the top end of the scale and after swimming at school stopped in the second year I used to go before school. Actually that was how I learned to dive. I doubt it would be allowed now but there was a man who used to go swimming early too that talked to me from time to time and I said that I couldn't dive and he said I would be able to if someone bothered to tell me how properly.
So he did, and he was right.
Anyway I digress. I arrived at the pool this evening and there were 3 sections fast, medium and slow. I didn't know which I was so I thought I'll start in the slow section, probably move up to medium and then see if I need to move into the fast bit.
I got in and remembered Matt telling me to make sure I worked hard so set off arms and legs going like mad... and hardly moved. I couldn't even keep up with the people in the slow section. There were a couple of old women swimming side by side and chatting who were going faster than me.
I was crap!
I considered having a goal at front crawl a couple of times but I never dare do that because I don't really know what I'm doing and will probably look silly or splash loads without realising it. So I didn't.
It wasn't long before I was exhaused. I really expected to be swimming constantly for 45mins but actually had to stop every couple of lengths. When I got out my legs were wobbly and I had trouble walking back to the changing room.
In the past when people have said that they go swimming for exercise I have thought that swimming isn't real exercise. I may have to revise that thought.
One thing I did love though. I don't think the novelty will ever wear off of being able to see the clock. I'm in the pool, and everything is crystal clear. Fantastic. If anyone reading this is short sighted what you waiting for? Go get your eyes lasered.
I've already posted about this morning but one thing I didn't talk about was something that really pissed me off at the gym. I sat down and had a coffee before setting off on the walk home and as I did I had a quick look through the Daily Mail as they always have a stack of them at the gym.
There was a story about a woman who was actually a shot putter but had been given the chance to run in that big Athletic thing that's happening at the moment. Being a shot putter she is quite a hefty lady and obviously came last.
Was the story congratulating her on going for it rather than turn it down and doing her best, going out there in front of everyone and going for it? No of course not, They printed pictures of her running and called her thunder thighs!
Is it any wonder that obese people daren't exercise or get help because they are scared of people laughing at them? It made me really angry.
I have discovered something this evening. I'm not as good at swimming as I thought. I think I've been comparing myself to children too long. Although I am always taking children swimming and have taught many children to swim it is a very very long time since I went swimming myself. I actually don't remember the last time.
I know I was quite good at school. There were others much better than me but many more worse, I was certainly towards the top end of the scale and after swimming at school stopped in the second year I used to go before school. Actually that was how I learned to dive. I doubt it would be allowed now but there was a man who used to go swimming early too that talked to me from time to time and I said that I couldn't dive and he said I would be able to if someone bothered to tell me how properly.
So he did, and he was right.
Anyway I digress. I arrived at the pool this evening and there were 3 sections fast, medium and slow. I didn't know which I was so I thought I'll start in the slow section, probably move up to medium and then see if I need to move into the fast bit.
I got in and remembered Matt telling me to make sure I worked hard so set off arms and legs going like mad... and hardly moved. I couldn't even keep up with the people in the slow section. There were a couple of old women swimming side by side and chatting who were going faster than me.
I was crap!
I considered having a goal at front crawl a couple of times but I never dare do that because I don't really know what I'm doing and will probably look silly or splash loads without realising it. So I didn't.
It wasn't long before I was exhaused. I really expected to be swimming constantly for 45mins but actually had to stop every couple of lengths. When I got out my legs were wobbly and I had trouble walking back to the changing room.
In the past when people have said that they go swimming for exercise I have thought that swimming isn't real exercise. I may have to revise that thought.
One thing I did love though. I don't think the novelty will ever wear off of being able to see the clock. I'm in the pool, and everything is crystal clear. Fantastic. If anyone reading this is short sighted what you waiting for? Go get your eyes lasered.
First weigh in
At 10am today I had my first weekly weigh in. I am now 104.6kg which is 16st 7lb which means I have lost 11lb. I'm fairly pleased with that. It's not a stone and believe me I've bleeding well worked enough for a stone but I need to remember the bloating.
My fat % has gone from 47.6 to 47.5 which isn't much but what really suprises me is my BMI has gone from 34.7 to 33.0 which seems more than I would expect compared to the fat %
This morning I part ran part walked the just over 3 miles to the gym. Had a session with Matt including getting weighed and then walked home uphill. It took me forever to get home, I thought I was never going to get here, my legs felt like lead. It is all uphill including 2 very steep hills, one of them (not the one I sent you a photo of Michelle, the other one) I swear is practically vertical.
I've been sat here thinking my god I feel almost as bad as I did when I did the 10 mile yesterday. Then I thought about it, it adds up to about 6.5 mile part running and a session at the gym. That must be equal to walking 10 mile.
My fat % has gone from 47.6 to 47.5 which isn't much but what really suprises me is my BMI has gone from 34.7 to 33.0 which seems more than I would expect compared to the fat %
This morning I part ran part walked the just over 3 miles to the gym. Had a session with Matt including getting weighed and then walked home uphill. It took me forever to get home, I thought I was never going to get here, my legs felt like lead. It is all uphill including 2 very steep hills, one of them (not the one I sent you a photo of Michelle, the other one) I swear is practically vertical.
I've been sat here thinking my god I feel almost as bad as I did when I did the 10 mile yesterday. Then I thought about it, it adds up to about 6.5 mile part running and a session at the gym. That must be equal to walking 10 mile.
weigh in day.
The day has started off well. Had the report from my hr watch which tells me I have worked off over 9000 cal during exercise this week. That's good.
I'm quite nervouse about getting weighed today but aren't going to get too hung up on it because I'm really really bloated. My soddin period keeps starting and stopping and starting and stopping. Can't make it's mind up what it's doing and I feel like a flipping water balloon.
And I have period pains again. That's one of the most annoying things about it. Every time it stops and starts again it completely starts again including the period pains.
ooo I've just remembered last night I dreamt Matt fixed me up with a job with Jamie Oliver. That isn't related to anything else except that I have just remembered it whilst typing this.
I'm quite nervouse about getting weighed today but aren't going to get too hung up on it because I'm really really bloated. My soddin period keeps starting and stopping and starting and stopping. Can't make it's mind up what it's doing and I feel like a flipping water balloon.
And I have period pains again. That's one of the most annoying things about it. Every time it stops and starts again it completely starts again including the period pains.
ooo I've just remembered last night I dreamt Matt fixed me up with a job with Jamie Oliver. That isn't related to anything else except that I have just remembered it whilst typing this.
Sunday 16 August 2009
6 weeks of torture day 6
well setting off at 7am to walk 10 miles with period pains and feeling sick wasn't the most ecstatic moment of my life but I did it.
It was hell, it was cold and raining and the route I took the paths weren't exactly easy. When I got back I looked like I had a sunburned face (yeah like the sun ever appeared) but it was actually from the wind and rain against my face. I was absolutely soaked and tired and my feet and legs and shoulders all hurt so much.
However I was pleased that I managed to stick to the exact route I had plotted out and never got lost though I wasn't 100% sure I was taking the right path a couple of times. It did feel sooo good to sit down when I got home.
I did go to the gym to do my 90 minutes cardio and weights but it didn't go too well. the more I did the more dizzy and sick I felt. After the bike and some weights I got on the cross trainer and every time I started to move the room was spinning and I felt like I was going to throw up and was having all on to push the peddles. So I gave up and came home.
I still feel sick and dizzy.
I'm thinking maybe I should take Matts advice about sleeping between sessions.
It was hell, it was cold and raining and the route I took the paths weren't exactly easy. When I got back I looked like I had a sunburned face (yeah like the sun ever appeared) but it was actually from the wind and rain against my face. I was absolutely soaked and tired and my feet and legs and shoulders all hurt so much.
However I was pleased that I managed to stick to the exact route I had plotted out and never got lost though I wasn't 100% sure I was taking the right path a couple of times. It did feel sooo good to sit down when I got home.
I did go to the gym to do my 90 minutes cardio and weights but it didn't go too well. the more I did the more dizzy and sick I felt. After the bike and some weights I got on the cross trainer and every time I started to move the room was spinning and I felt like I was going to throw up and was having all on to push the peddles. So I gave up and came home.
I still feel sick and dizzy.
I'm thinking maybe I should take Matts advice about sleeping between sessions.
10 mile!!!!
Oh great! so today I have to walk 10 mile and then do a 90 minute cardio/weights session with period pains. That's going to be fun isn't it?
Oh well, I never hear them mention it on the biggest loser so they obviously don't make allowances for it and no matter what the time of month I'm still fat.
So off I go.
Oh well, I never hear them mention it on the biggest loser so they obviously don't make allowances for it and no matter what the time of month I'm still fat.
So off I go.
Saturday 15 August 2009
bad night to follow the bad day?
I don't want to spend half the night crying until I fall asleep. I don't want to wake up in the morning with sore swollen eyes and absolutely knackered before I even start.
I wan't to go to sleep now, get a good nights sleep and wake up in the morning ready for my 10 mile walk, but I'm still upset and wound up and AWAKE and also I again haven't had the email I was promised and am getting stressed about that.
I fear I'm heading more towards option 1.
I wan't to go to sleep now, get a good nights sleep and wake up in the morning ready for my 10 mile walk, but I'm still upset and wound up and AWAKE and also I again haven't had the email I was promised and am getting stressed about that.
I fear I'm heading more towards option 1.
biggest loser day 6
Well despite how horrible today has been and how upset I've been all day I have eaten nothing I shouldn't have done.
I went to the early morning RPM class today and it was awful absolutely horrible, worse than that first time because this time I was trapped and couldn't get away.
When I went in there was supposed to have been a bike saved for me by the door but there wasn't. I had to go right to the far side of the room. Then it started, everyone else knew what they were doing. I hadn't considered the possibility I could have forgotten everything but now I think about it I did, I think, 4 of the beginner sessions and then 2 or 3 proper ones and that was all and was over a year ago. I also found that I couldn't hear a word Matt was saying, not a word, I just couldn't make it out and I don't think I adjusted the bike right because it hurt my back.
It was like being in a nightmare, just awful, I wanted to get out but couldn't because I was at the far side of the room. The bikes go right to the back with no room to go behind them and are close together so I would have had to walk right though to get out. I wanted to cry but knew I had to stop myself because I was trapped there in that room full of people. It was really taking every bit of concentration I had to stop myself from crying.
I thought just stay on the bike, keep my legs moving and don't draw attention to myself until it's over and I can get out of here. I kept looking at the clock and it didn't seem to be moving. I wasn't exactly working hard but I wasn't even thinking about that I was just trying not to cry.
Then something happened that I'm not going to talk about but basically I couldn't have drawn more attention to myself if I'd done cartwheels through the room. So I got off the bike and walked out.
I just got out of that gym as fast as I could. I sat in the car for a while and cried. I had no choice, as soon as I was out of sight of people I burst into tears and couldn't exactly drive. What I wanted to do more than anything was give up, completely, just like last time I wanted to get out of there and never go back. I wanted to go home and eat comforting things and curl up and cry for the rest of the day.
But what is different this time to last time is what I am in the process of doing. I've pinned a lot on this and staked all my holidays on it. Which is a big thing for me as once I'm back it's 7 days a week and as a single carer using up all my holidays really is a big thing. Time is limited, once it's over it's over and so is my chance to make a major difference to my life. I can't quit and I don't have the time to be upset and then decide to go back in a few days.
I came home and ate what I'm supposed to eat, oh and for some additional exercise I lifted a tumble drier down from a shelf that is high enough to be just above my washer and then after the new one was delivered I lifted it up onto the shelf. Ok so i couldn't do it in one go. I had to put a chair there and lift it onto the chair and then from the chair to the shelf but it was bloody hard work.
In the afternoon I went back to the gym. I was supposed to do an upper body workout but I didn't really know what that meant so I just did a combination of cardio and weights.
After that I kept putting off the lampost run. I just didn't want to. I was still really upset and that made me feel tired and like I just couldn't be bothered. I really really didn't want to so jumped at the excuse when it started pouring down.
Stephen went out, there was nothing on tv (I'm starting to see why they don't have tv or internet in the biggest loser, maybe I should ban myself from them like I was originally going to do) and no one to talk to online. I don't feel I have any place within join me anymore and there was nothing on facebook and I was sill upset, I felt very very alone... nothing new there really.
The rain had stopped and I though 'I should stop making excuses and go' so I did. As soon as I was out there I was glad I had. I felt so much better out there running than sitting at home alone and upset.
I have also plotted out a 10 mile walk for tomorrow.
It has been a horrible day but I'm quite pleased that I have done everything right despite that (except the RPM class)
I went to the early morning RPM class today and it was awful absolutely horrible, worse than that first time because this time I was trapped and couldn't get away.
When I went in there was supposed to have been a bike saved for me by the door but there wasn't. I had to go right to the far side of the room. Then it started, everyone else knew what they were doing. I hadn't considered the possibility I could have forgotten everything but now I think about it I did, I think, 4 of the beginner sessions and then 2 or 3 proper ones and that was all and was over a year ago. I also found that I couldn't hear a word Matt was saying, not a word, I just couldn't make it out and I don't think I adjusted the bike right because it hurt my back.
It was like being in a nightmare, just awful, I wanted to get out but couldn't because I was at the far side of the room. The bikes go right to the back with no room to go behind them and are close together so I would have had to walk right though to get out. I wanted to cry but knew I had to stop myself because I was trapped there in that room full of people. It was really taking every bit of concentration I had to stop myself from crying.
I thought just stay on the bike, keep my legs moving and don't draw attention to myself until it's over and I can get out of here. I kept looking at the clock and it didn't seem to be moving. I wasn't exactly working hard but I wasn't even thinking about that I was just trying not to cry.
Then something happened that I'm not going to talk about but basically I couldn't have drawn more attention to myself if I'd done cartwheels through the room. So I got off the bike and walked out.
I just got out of that gym as fast as I could. I sat in the car for a while and cried. I had no choice, as soon as I was out of sight of people I burst into tears and couldn't exactly drive. What I wanted to do more than anything was give up, completely, just like last time I wanted to get out of there and never go back. I wanted to go home and eat comforting things and curl up and cry for the rest of the day.
But what is different this time to last time is what I am in the process of doing. I've pinned a lot on this and staked all my holidays on it. Which is a big thing for me as once I'm back it's 7 days a week and as a single carer using up all my holidays really is a big thing. Time is limited, once it's over it's over and so is my chance to make a major difference to my life. I can't quit and I don't have the time to be upset and then decide to go back in a few days.
I came home and ate what I'm supposed to eat, oh and for some additional exercise I lifted a tumble drier down from a shelf that is high enough to be just above my washer and then after the new one was delivered I lifted it up onto the shelf. Ok so i couldn't do it in one go. I had to put a chair there and lift it onto the chair and then from the chair to the shelf but it was bloody hard work.
In the afternoon I went back to the gym. I was supposed to do an upper body workout but I didn't really know what that meant so I just did a combination of cardio and weights.
After that I kept putting off the lampost run. I just didn't want to. I was still really upset and that made me feel tired and like I just couldn't be bothered. I really really didn't want to so jumped at the excuse when it started pouring down.
Stephen went out, there was nothing on tv (I'm starting to see why they don't have tv or internet in the biggest loser, maybe I should ban myself from them like I was originally going to do) and no one to talk to online. I don't feel I have any place within join me anymore and there was nothing on facebook and I was sill upset, I felt very very alone... nothing new there really.
The rain had stopped and I though 'I should stop making excuses and go' so I did. As soon as I was out there I was glad I had. I felt so much better out there running than sitting at home alone and upset.
I have also plotted out a 10 mile walk for tomorrow.
It has been a horrible day but I'm quite pleased that I have done everything right despite that (except the RPM class)
Bad Day.
Not having a good day. Actually having a really really bad day and really really really want to eat bad things.
Friday 14 August 2009
biggest loser day 5
Woke up this morning fresh from my rest day. Did my 2 mile run in 30minutes which means I knocked 3 minutes off my previous time.
the next thing was a 5 mile run at 11am. Though Matt did say I probably wouldn't manage that at this stage so it will be part run part walk. After doing so well with this mornings run I thought if I go up to ogden where it is relatively flat 5 mile is 4 times round - I can do that!
No I can't!
I managed to run constantly for about 1 3/4 laps after that I ran a bit, walked a bit but walked the last lap and a half with no running.
I'm not bothered about not running all of it as I had already run 2 miles and I know I did as much as I could and worked hard. The way I see it with each day I'm getting lighter an my muscles are getting stronger. so I'll be able to run further soon enough.
I did do something stupid though. Because I didn't want to be needing the toilet all the time when running I drank very little this morning. By the time I got back from the 5 miles I was quite light headed and not feeling well. It was obvious I was dehydrated so I started drinking as much water as possible but it was too late, I've not been well all afternoon and still aren't too good now.
I had to go buy a new tumble drier this afternoon and I was in the shop looking at them when I went really dizzy... really dizzy. I stood still and waited for it to pass and it did but it took a lot longer than I would have expected, I was starting to get worried.
Because of that I didn't go and do my weights session at 3 like I was supposed to, I gave myself longer to recover. I did go though and do everything I was supposed to, just later than intended.
I'm in bed now hoping to get to sleep early so I'm wide awake for the RPM class in the morning.
I really hope I've lost a fair bit of weight this week. I should have done but I don't know as I've been good and not weighed myself. I made a lot of bold statements after getting weighed on Monday. Things like losing a stone in the first week. I think I've watched too many episodes of the biggest loser.
I know realisticaly a stone is unlikely so I'm not going to be bothered about that but I really hope after all the effort I've put in this week it is a decent weight loss.
the next thing was a 5 mile run at 11am. Though Matt did say I probably wouldn't manage that at this stage so it will be part run part walk. After doing so well with this mornings run I thought if I go up to ogden where it is relatively flat 5 mile is 4 times round - I can do that!
No I can't!
I managed to run constantly for about 1 3/4 laps after that I ran a bit, walked a bit but walked the last lap and a half with no running.
I'm not bothered about not running all of it as I had already run 2 miles and I know I did as much as I could and worked hard. The way I see it with each day I'm getting lighter an my muscles are getting stronger. so I'll be able to run further soon enough.
I did do something stupid though. Because I didn't want to be needing the toilet all the time when running I drank very little this morning. By the time I got back from the 5 miles I was quite light headed and not feeling well. It was obvious I was dehydrated so I started drinking as much water as possible but it was too late, I've not been well all afternoon and still aren't too good now.
I had to go buy a new tumble drier this afternoon and I was in the shop looking at them when I went really dizzy... really dizzy. I stood still and waited for it to pass and it did but it took a lot longer than I would have expected, I was starting to get worried.
Because of that I didn't go and do my weights session at 3 like I was supposed to, I gave myself longer to recover. I did go though and do everything I was supposed to, just later than intended.
I'm in bed now hoping to get to sleep early so I'm wide awake for the RPM class in the morning.
I really hope I've lost a fair bit of weight this week. I should have done but I don't know as I've been good and not weighed myself. I made a lot of bold statements after getting weighed on Monday. Things like losing a stone in the first week. I think I've watched too many episodes of the biggest loser.
I know realisticaly a stone is unlikely so I'm not going to be bothered about that but I really hope after all the effort I've put in this week it is a decent weight loss.
Biggest loser day 4
thursday 13th August
It was a rest day today. It was also my son's 18th Birthday. Just because it was a rest day it doesn't mean I was lazy and binge ate. I was very good. Ok so I didn't do much because I was spending time with Stephen on his birthday and letting him torture me with his music when I wasn't driving or sitting in a restaurant. But when I went to the supermarket I still parked in the furthest away spot and when I went to JJB's at birstall I ignored the escalator and walked briskly up the stairs.
I was particularly proud of myself in the restauant. I don't like fish. Matt keeps saying he wants to put it on my diet but I don't have to eat it if I really don't like it. I said I will do at least for these 6 weeks. We went to Frankie and Bennies. So many yummy things on the menu. The old me would have said 'well my son only turns 18 once, it's a celebration, it's not every day I come here' but I didn't I looked at the menu and there were no healthy starters so I didn't have one. There were a couple of relatively healthy choices for main course but most I couldn't really be sure what was in them and I thought. Well if I have fish here I know it's cooked right as I'm not sure what I'm doing and my house won't stink of fish.
So I had baked salmon, steamed veg and a jacket potato with no butter. I ignored all the things I really wanted. I knew Stephen wanted desert and wouldn't have any if it was just him so I had the lemon and mango sorbet. I would have prefered the caramel and pecan cheesecake.
It was a rest day today. It was also my son's 18th Birthday. Just because it was a rest day it doesn't mean I was lazy and binge ate. I was very good. Ok so I didn't do much because I was spending time with Stephen on his birthday and letting him torture me with his music when I wasn't driving or sitting in a restaurant. But when I went to the supermarket I still parked in the furthest away spot and when I went to JJB's at birstall I ignored the escalator and walked briskly up the stairs.
I was particularly proud of myself in the restauant. I don't like fish. Matt keeps saying he wants to put it on my diet but I don't have to eat it if I really don't like it. I said I will do at least for these 6 weeks. We went to Frankie and Bennies. So many yummy things on the menu. The old me would have said 'well my son only turns 18 once, it's a celebration, it's not every day I come here' but I didn't I looked at the menu and there were no healthy starters so I didn't have one. There were a couple of relatively healthy choices for main course but most I couldn't really be sure what was in them and I thought. Well if I have fish here I know it's cooked right as I'm not sure what I'm doing and my house won't stink of fish.
So I had baked salmon, steamed veg and a jacket potato with no butter. I ignored all the things I really wanted. I knew Stephen wanted desert and wouldn't have any if it was just him so I had the lemon and mango sorbet. I would have prefered the caramel and pecan cheesecake.
Biggest Loser day 3
When I woke this morning I don't think there was a single bit of my body that didn't hurt however I seemed to manage better than Tuesday as i did manage to run the whole 2 miles. It took me 33 minutes. It wasn't easy and I felt like I was dying by the end of it but I managed it.
At 11 I had a boxing session with Matt. I really do enjoy that. It's fun even if I do feel silly doing it. I was absolutely exhausted though. It was really difficult. Then just to finish it off Matt put me on the stair master which was torture.
At 3 I did a weights circuit at the gym. That was ok but I couldn't do the shoulder press. I just couldn't do it. Think I will have to do that more often and keep trying.
After that I went to give blood. It is the first time I have done that for about 9 or 10 years and it has never bothered me in the past but this time it did. As I was on my way home I went really hot and started feeling woozy. With hinesite I probably should have pulled over but I didn't think of that at the time. It continued all evening so I didn't go for the walk or do the ab work.
At 11 I had a boxing session with Matt. I really do enjoy that. It's fun even if I do feel silly doing it. I was absolutely exhausted though. It was really difficult. Then just to finish it off Matt put me on the stair master which was torture.
At 3 I did a weights circuit at the gym. That was ok but I couldn't do the shoulder press. I just couldn't do it. Think I will have to do that more often and keep trying.
After that I went to give blood. It is the first time I have done that for about 9 or 10 years and it has never bothered me in the past but this time it did. As I was on my way home I went really hot and started feeling woozy. With hinesite I probably should have pulled over but I didn't think of that at the time. It continued all evening so I didn't go for the walk or do the ab work.
biggest loser day 2
When I woke up on Tuesday morning I HURT! I started to realise that maybe Matt had had a point. I had been whinging about the exercise plan and saying that I wasn't sure it was enough. I kept going on about how the people on the biggest loser do 6 hours a day. Matt said that what was planned was enough and if we did more that that at this point by week 2 I wouldn't be able to do anything.
I reluctantly agreed but that was partly why I went a lot further than I was supposed to on last nights walk.
This morning I struggled. I really struggled to get out of bed and put my things on and go out for my 2 mile run. I tried, I really did but I just couldn't make my legs keep going. I eventually had to give up trying to run and walk. The route I take means I go back passed my house before I'm finished and I considered just going home but thought no, if I can't run it I can at least finish it walking and then at least I'm burning some calories. so I did, but I was pretty fed up about it.
At 11 I went to the gym for a cardio session. I did summit trainer, bike and cross trainer but I didn't do as much as I would usually do on them because I was struggling so much (I also hadn't slept well Monday night)
Back to the gym at 3 for a weights session. That went ok but when I just do weights it seems to be over quickly and then I'm at a loss as to what I should be doing. i think I'm better doing both cardio and weights together. If I do them alternate it means I can manage more cardio and I'm not wondering what to do when the weights are over.
In the evening I went for a walk but this time stuck to the plan. I put 2.2kg worth of weights in a rucksack and took Bonnie for a walk. I thought I would struggle with the rucksack but I actually hardly even noticed it. I walked onto a area that is just on the road where I haven't been for ages (now I can drive I tend to go to Ogden instead) and when I got to a section where you can carry on at the top where it is easy or you can follow a path that goes down the banking I was about to follow the top path out of habit but then thought about it.
That bottom path has a very steep difficult bit that I was never able to get past. It scared me just looking at it and I knew I couldn't do it but one time I did try and ended up on my hands and knees hanging on and had to scramble back up to where I'd come from. I used to let the kids go that way and I'd walk along the top.
I thought 'I bet I can do it now' so went that way. I started thinking about something else, my mind was wondering, then I suddenly realised I was passed what I used to think was the scary bit and was on my way up the other side. I had walked down it without even thinking about it.
That put me in a brilliant mood. I may have put weight back on and be more unfit than the stage I did manage to get to but there is nothing like a reminder like that of how much more I can do and how much easier things are than before I started to put a big smile on my face.
Then I got to the bit where you have to go back up to the top path. I used to watch the kids scrambling up there and wonder how on earth they managed it 'it's practically vertical!' I went up it and yes, it's steep, it made me pant but it really wasn't that bad, it is a very short distance.
Then the next part. Again 2 choices. Carry on the top path where it is completely flat or follow the path that goes back down to the more interesting leafy, meadowy part. I did used to go down there because the path going down is much more gentle and when you get down there you again have 2 choices walk along the flat or there are very steep mounds and dips where kids ride their bikes and skateboards. My kids would run up and down them whilst I stood on the flat bit panicking and covering my face and shouting at them to be careful.
When I got to that bit I walked up to the top of one of the mounds and looked down and thought 'dare I?' and walked down and up the other side (maybe next time I'll run) then I walked on and got to the next one which was even steeper. I was very unsure about that one, took a step forward and felt the ground start to move under my foot, stepped back and walked round. HAHAHA I'm still a wuss.
At the end of that bit there is again a steep banking to get back up to the top path. That was always the end of the walk. I would turn around and retrace my steps back home. Not now, I went up the banking and carried on the top path that now went into a more rocky path that I never used to go on because it was past the point I turned around. When I got to the end of there I looked at my watch and it was about time to be heading home anyway so it worked out really well.
When I got home it had been 50minutes, just 5 minutes over what I was supposed to be doing and I had really enjoyed it so that was a good end to the second day.
I reluctantly agreed but that was partly why I went a lot further than I was supposed to on last nights walk.
This morning I struggled. I really struggled to get out of bed and put my things on and go out for my 2 mile run. I tried, I really did but I just couldn't make my legs keep going. I eventually had to give up trying to run and walk. The route I take means I go back passed my house before I'm finished and I considered just going home but thought no, if I can't run it I can at least finish it walking and then at least I'm burning some calories. so I did, but I was pretty fed up about it.
At 11 I went to the gym for a cardio session. I did summit trainer, bike and cross trainer but I didn't do as much as I would usually do on them because I was struggling so much (I also hadn't slept well Monday night)
Back to the gym at 3 for a weights session. That went ok but when I just do weights it seems to be over quickly and then I'm at a loss as to what I should be doing. i think I'm better doing both cardio and weights together. If I do them alternate it means I can manage more cardio and I'm not wondering what to do when the weights are over.
In the evening I went for a walk but this time stuck to the plan. I put 2.2kg worth of weights in a rucksack and took Bonnie for a walk. I thought I would struggle with the rucksack but I actually hardly even noticed it. I walked onto a area that is just on the road where I haven't been for ages (now I can drive I tend to go to Ogden instead) and when I got to a section where you can carry on at the top where it is easy or you can follow a path that goes down the banking I was about to follow the top path out of habit but then thought about it.
That bottom path has a very steep difficult bit that I was never able to get past. It scared me just looking at it and I knew I couldn't do it but one time I did try and ended up on my hands and knees hanging on and had to scramble back up to where I'd come from. I used to let the kids go that way and I'd walk along the top.
I thought 'I bet I can do it now' so went that way. I started thinking about something else, my mind was wondering, then I suddenly realised I was passed what I used to think was the scary bit and was on my way up the other side. I had walked down it without even thinking about it.
That put me in a brilliant mood. I may have put weight back on and be more unfit than the stage I did manage to get to but there is nothing like a reminder like that of how much more I can do and how much easier things are than before I started to put a big smile on my face.
Then I got to the bit where you have to go back up to the top path. I used to watch the kids scrambling up there and wonder how on earth they managed it 'it's practically vertical!' I went up it and yes, it's steep, it made me pant but it really wasn't that bad, it is a very short distance.
Then the next part. Again 2 choices. Carry on the top path where it is completely flat or follow the path that goes back down to the more interesting leafy, meadowy part. I did used to go down there because the path going down is much more gentle and when you get down there you again have 2 choices walk along the flat or there are very steep mounds and dips where kids ride their bikes and skateboards. My kids would run up and down them whilst I stood on the flat bit panicking and covering my face and shouting at them to be careful.
When I got to that bit I walked up to the top of one of the mounds and looked down and thought 'dare I?' and walked down and up the other side (maybe next time I'll run) then I walked on and got to the next one which was even steeper. I was very unsure about that one, took a step forward and felt the ground start to move under my foot, stepped back and walked round. HAHAHA I'm still a wuss.
At the end of that bit there is again a steep banking to get back up to the top path. That was always the end of the walk. I would turn around and retrace my steps back home. Not now, I went up the banking and carried on the top path that now went into a more rocky path that I never used to go on because it was past the point I turned around. When I got to the end of there I looked at my watch and it was about time to be heading home anyway so it worked out really well.
When I got home it had been 50minutes, just 5 minutes over what I was supposed to be doing and I had really enjoyed it so that was a good end to the second day.
Thursday 13 August 2009
Biggest Loser day 1
When I woke up on Monday morning I felt ill. Overeating to excess and with very unhealthy fatty food when you have no gall bladder is not a good idea. I had been feeling gradually worse for a while and Monday was really bad.
Still, I couldn't give in on day one so I set off and ran 2 mile before breakfast as Matt had instructed. I was suprised at how difficult it was. I had been saying to myself 'it's only 2 miles' I mean I did 13 miles (though didn't run it all) on the great north run. But it seems I'm back to struggling with just 2 mile. Just goes to show how unfit I've got again.I'm not back to how I was though. I'm not 21st 7lb and unable to run at all like I used to be.
Then I went to the gym where Matt weighed me and took photos. He was going to measure me too but we both forgot. The photos weren't that good because what I was wearing pretty much covered everything.
I weigh 109.9kg which is 17st 4lb17st 4lb !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god. That is just awful.
My body fat is 47.6% and my bmi is 34.7
My body fat is 47.6% and my bmi is 34.7
I had already been thinking about the photos and thought no matter how awful I wanted realistic and accurate before pictures showing what I manage to achieve. On the biggest loser they take the photos in shorts and sports bra's so if they can do that so can I. So I did my own later at home. Though it is actually really difficult taking photos of yourself. getting the camera in the right position.
I was supposed to go out for a 45 minute walk with a weighted rucksack that evening. I forgot the rucksack but ended up walking for 1hr 40minutes. When I set off I walked down the road but then I decided to go find a park I knew was in the area. It's a strange place, you would be unlikely to find it if you didn't know it was there even though it is a big park and woodland. It is totally surrounded by houses with just little paths here and there that lead into it. I had lived in the area for years without ever knowing about it until one day I was walking Bonnie with the children and said 'lets go see where that path leads.It was nice to go back there, it is a long time since I last went there and the path back up through the woodland is quite hard work. I was pretty exhausted by the time I got home. Then I did ab work and press ups.
Right now I'm going to post the photos Matt took and the photo's I took. They are pretty horrendous but I don't care because that isn't going to be me anymore.Wednesday 12 August 2009
biggest loser
ok so I haven't been doing my blog since starting on Monday as promised but I have a rest day tomorrow so will definitly do it then. With photos - shocking photos. But if the people on the biggest loser can let the world see them like that I can let a handful of people see them and then see the change.
Shorts and sports bra just like they do on the biggest loser.
Shorts and sports bra just like they do on the biggest loser.
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